


The power of love

by fallenfairytale



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confused Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Fluff and Angst, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt Merlin (Merlin), M/M, Magic Revealed, Merthur Week 2021, Morgana is really evil in this one, Pain, They go through a lot, Torture, Whipping, also Mordred is evil, i'm sorry but, this is pure whump, whos Emrys?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-25 09:07:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30086742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallenfairytale/pseuds/fallenfairytale
Summary: Arthur and Merlin get captured by Morgana, but it’s not for the reason they thought it would be. Morgana is not after Arthur, not anymore, because now, her new target is Merlin. Or should she call him Emrys? Ridden by her fear and hatred, Morgana wants to see Merlin and Arthur in pain, she wants them to suffer. But not even in their worst nightmare they could have imagined what she would do to them....Trigger Warning // description of tortureDay 2 — „If we don’t get out of here.“ „We will.“
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 105
Collections: Merthur Week 2021





	The power of love

**Love is danger, love is pleasure.**   
**Love is pure, the only treasure.**   
**I'm so in love with you.**   
**Make love your goal.**

— Gabrielle Aplin, the power of love

before you get started, I once again want to remind you that there’s a **trigger warning for description of torture!**

* * *

Arthur was sitting against the wall, the cold stone pressing against his back. It was his fault, he knew it. He should have taken more care, should have been more attentive. Merlin was suffering and it was his fault.

A loud scream, followed by another beat, echoed through the dark. Arthur pulled his hands up and pressed them over his ears. _Please make it stop,_ he thought. He had been forced to hear Merlin‘s painful screams for hours and every scream geared at his heart.

After they got caught by Morgana, Arthur had tried to take Merlin‘s place, but somehow, Morgana was more interested in Merlin, or Emrys, as she had called him. Arthur had no idea what was happening, why no one was trying to do anything to him. What could Merlin know that Arthur didn‘t?

Suddenly, the dark around him slowly filled with the warm light of a torch, revealing someone walking towards his cell. Merlin, or what was left of him, hanged loosely in their arms. His bare chest was covered in bruises and blood. _What have they done to you?_

Immediately, after the guards had thrown Merlin into Arthur‘s cell, he had crawled over to the limp body. Merlin was barely breathing, his back raising slowly.

„Merlin?“ Arthur whispered, his hand slowly stroking Merlin’s face, who answered with a painful whimper.

There was so much blood, but Arthur couldn‘t see where it was coming from. Merlin was laying on his stomach, face to the side. The wound had to be either on his stomach or chest.

Carefully, Arthur tried to move Merlin on his back, ejecting some more painful noises from the hurt men. Arthur‘s eyes filled with tears, there was no way he could keep them in. He was never the man who easily cried, especially not in moments like these, showing his weakness was never an option. But when it came to Merlin, Arthur could not refuse his feelings.

Once Merlin fully laid on his back, Arthur saw the scratches and wounds scattered across Merlin‘s body. They were obviously from a knife.

„I am so sorry…“ Arthur whispered. He felt horrible, his whole body was aching. Seeing Merlin like this, caused him more pain than any torture could ever do. And the worst was, there was nothing he could do to ease Merlin‘s pain, to help him. They were stuck in this godforsaken cell, with nothing that could help him to take care of the wounds. The only thing that Arthur could do, was to try and stop the bleeding. He ripped his own shirt into pieces, carefully pressing the thin fabric on Merlin‘s body.

Without trying to hurt him too much, Arthur moved closer to Merlin‘s body and lifted his head, so that he could lay in Arthur‘s lap. His eyes were closed, a painful grimace on his face.

Arthur couldn‘t even imagine what kind of pain he must be in right now. And once again, he wished he could just take it all away from him. If he could, he would take Merlin‘s place.

„You have to hold on, okay? Merlin- please don‘t give up,“ he whispered, lowering his own head, so that their foreheads touched slightly. A few teardrops landed on Merlin‘s face, but Arthur didn‘t care if Merlin knew that he was crying. Nothing mattered right now, except for the man in his arms.

* * *

As soon as Morgana had called Merlin „Emrys“ he had known that they were doomed. She knew. She knew about him, about his destiny and what it would mean for her. She had successfully captured both of them, but Merlin knew this was not about Arthur anymore, it was about him and his magic. If Merlin had realised it sooner, he would have tried to fight her, but now it was too late. Morgana had put some magical handcuffs on him, which not even his magic was capable of fighting, since it was a dark spell, as old as the old religion itself.

„Morgana.“ Merlin had said and looked into her eyes, which were full of anger and hatred. But, there was also a glimmer of fear, Merlin could see it. She was trying to hide it, but it was there. Morgana was beyond afraid of the prophecy and the part Emrys played in it.

When she had called him Emrys, all color had faded from his face. Not only because she knew, but also, because Arthur was right next to him, confusion clouded on his face. Merlin hadn‘t had the courage to return his gaze, afraid of what he would find to see in those ocean blue eyes. For Merlin, there hadn‘t been any reason to consider what he would tell Arthur, how he could explain it to him, because they never got the chance. Morgana said one word, and Arthur was taken away from them. First, Merlin had tried to escape, to get after him, but Morgana‘s magic had him bound, he was totally at her mercy.

„What do you want“, he hissed between his teeth. Morgana just laughed and it was not her who answered, but the shadow that suddenly appeared next to her.

„Oh Emrys, don‘t you know? We want you gone. But first, we want you to suffer the same way we did.“ Mordred appeared next to Morgana and placed his hand on her shoulder.

So, he had betrayed them. Merlin was not surprised, not even the slightest. He had known from the beginning not to trust Mordred.

„I would say, what a surprise to see you here, but I am not even a little bit surprised.“ Merlin said, looking angrily at the boy he had once saved.

Mordred moved closer to Merlin, who was still kneeling on the ground, and crouched in front of him. Ignoring his words, Mordred stroked Merlin‘s cheek, before moving his arm down, reaching out for his wrist, carefully touching the cold iron.

„Such a small item, holding down such great power… it‘s a miracle, don‘t you think?“

Merlin didn‘t answer or moved a single bone. He was scared, terrified even, but he would not let them see that.

_Don‘t try to hide it, Emrys,_ he suddenly heard Mordred's voice in his head.

_Get out of my head._

Mordred got back up to his feet and just laughed.

„He‘s all yours, my Queen“, with that he turned around and left Merlin alone with Morgana.

* * *

His whole body hurt. Every single muscle, every bone. His skin ached terribly, and he could feel the thick blood running down his belly. _What if there was no end to this pain? What if it got worse?_ These thoughts alone were enough to get his heart racing faster, never mind the pain itself.

Merlin tried as best as he could to block out the pain, to find some form of meditative trance in order to cope with the agonizing sensations. He gritted his teeth and let out a short grunt. He was determined to keep going, to simply swallow the pain, but there was no denying how hurt he was. Blood seeped from his wounds and sweat dripped down his forehead. Some moments, he only felt a dull of pain, but it was surely numbed by the adrenaline pumping through his veins. He was sure it'd all be over soon enough. Morgana could keep this up for long, right? The realization that he might be wrong, caused a moment of panic. He closed his eyes and tried to relax his muscles. Merlin took a deep breath, and then another. It was his best attempt to regain his composure.

„Take him to his cell“, Morgana suddenly said and let go of Merlin‘s arm.

Immediately, his body sank to the ground, his head crashing on the cold stone. His eyes filled with tears, as everything started to spin around him. He had no energy left in his body, he couldn‘t get up and walk, his legs were not responding. But there was no need to walk. The guards appeared at Merlin‘s side and roughly grabbed his loose arms, dragging him behind them. His body scratched over the ground, which left some more wounds on his bare chest. He should've tried to fought them, he knew that, but what was the point? He couldn't win. Not with the iron handcuffs around his wrists.

When they arrived at the cell Merlin felt, for the first time, some kind of relief. Arthur was there. He was safe. That's all that mattered.

Careless, they threw him inside the cell, and with a loud grunt, Merlin crashed on the ground. Yet another painful moan escaped his lips. He knew he needed to explain everything to Arthur, tell him the truth, but he could barely keep his eyes open. Everything hurt. He felt as if he was torn open from the inside out. Morgana hadn't only used physical torture acts on him, but also magic. She had used dark magic on Merlin, from which he had never heard of before. But he surely had felt it. It was as if Morgana had started a fire inside him, a fire that burned his organs, he thought he was about to die, but death never came. For a moment, he had wished for it. But then he remembered Arthur, and how he couldn't stop fighting. He had to stay strong for Arthur. Always for Arthur.

He heard the distant voice of Arthur talking to him, felt his presence next to his body, but he couldn't move. He wanted to tell him he was sorry and that it was all his fault, but no words left his mouth. Merlin was scared. Not because of what Morgana would do to him the next time, he was scared for his relationship with Arthur. How could he ever forgive him? Merlin had lied to him for years, pretended to be someone he was not. Ever since the day he became Arthur‘s servant, Merlin had feared for this day, the day where Arthur would find out about him, his magic. And now? Now he couldn‘t even explain it. Morgana had taken that from him. She had taken away the one thing Merlin had a choice about. Everything, his whole life, had been foretold by destiny and most of the time, Merlin felt like he had absolutely no choice, that everything he did, was because of some greater force. But telling Arthur about his magic? That had always been Merlin‘s choice and Morgana had taken that away from him. All that was left now, was a feeling of emptiness deep in his heart.

„Merlin…“ He once again heard Arthur, softly whispering his name..

He didn‘t understand yet, didn‘t know that he was taking care of a liar. Merlin didn‘t have much energy left in his body to fight Arthur‘s hands, who carefully turned him around, so that he was now lying on his back. Still, his eyes remained closed, too afraid of what he would see in Arthur‘s face. Fear? Disgust? Anger? But then he heard the worry and pain in Arthur‘s voice and couldn no longer ignore him. He slowly opened his eyes and was met by Arthur‘s face, which was streaked with tears. 

„Arthur..“ Merlin groaned, but that was all he could say. His throat still hurt from all the screaming.

„Oh thank god, you‘re awake.“ Arthur said immediately and wrapped his hands around Merlin‘s face.

„I am so sorry, I couldn‘t stop them, I couldn‘t-“ he choked out. Merlin tried to remember the last time he had seen Arthur cry that much, but he couldn‘t remember a single time.

Suddenly, Arthur stopped in his movements, and his hands moved to his wrists, touching the cold iron. Merlin tried to understand what Arthur was thinking, but his expression gave nothing away. So he waited.

„I wish you would‘ve told me…“ He suddenly broke the silence, his gaze still lingering on the handcuffs, as if there was something incredibly fascinating about them.

„I would have kept you safe, you know that, right?“ Arthur raised his head and looked in Merlin‘s eyes.

There was no need for Merlin to answer, Arthur could see it in his eyes. He didn‘t knew. Merlin had thought that Arthur would abandon him. Of course, Arthur had never given him a reason to think otherwise. He was King now and magic was still outlawed, people with magic were still sentenced to death, even though Arthur now gave them a fair trial at last. Maybe if he had known about Merlin sooner, he would have lifted the ban. But would that have been right? He was not sure. If he was being honest, he should not make such a drastic change for one person only, but because he thought it was the right choice, for everyone.

Merlin remained silent. Arthur was not sure if it was because he didn‘t know what to say, or because he just didn‘t have the energy. Nevertheless, it hurt Arthur. A selfish part of him wished he would talk to him, but he also understood that Merlin was probably exhausted and in much pain.

But Arthur couldn‘t even imagine how much pain Merlin really felt.

Merlin's whole body hurt, but nothing was as bad the hurt he felt in his soul. The iron around his wrist kept his magic hidden away, and Merlin felt so empty. There had never been a day where he had been without his magic, it felt like he had lost a part of him. He could still feel the magic buzzing in his veins, like a light feather, hidden away behind a stone wall, trying to free itself. It hurt. Without his magic, Merlin felt like an empty shell, like he was … nothing. Merlin started to shiver, his eyes filled with tears. He hadn‘t allowed himself to cry before, not wanting to give Morgana the satisfaction. But now, he couldn‘t hold it back any longer. He wanted to scream, but he was paralysed, his body frozen.

„Merlin..“ Arthur said his name again, and pushed Merlin‘s body closer to his. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around the broken man and pulled him into a tight hug. Merlin buried his head against Arthur‘s chest, his fingers dogged into the thin, ripped shirt, holding it like it was his last life line. 

„If we don’t get out of here…“, Merlin whispered silently into Arthur‘s chest.

„We will,“ Arthur answered and tightened his arms around Merlin.

They stayed like that, listening to each other’s heartbeat until they fell asleep in this dark place.

* * *

„Get them out!“

They both startled awake when someone tore them apart from each other. Now, with the light of the day shining through a small window high above the wall, Arthur could see the faces of the man, but didn‘t recognise any of them. 

With force, Arthur and Merlin were pulled up to their feet. Through the night, Merlin‘s wounds had started to heal a bit, but as soon as he was forced to stand up, a few of them were torn open again. He could feel the blood dripping down his chest, but the man didn‘t care to even acknowledged the fact.

„The Queen wants to see you both,“ one of them glared out, dragging their bodies behind them.

They walked through some dark corridors, and all the while, Arthur looked out for a way to escape. But soon enough he realized there wasn‘t one. The windows up the wall were too high and too small for them and he couldn‘t see any door leading to another corridor. It seemed like they were stuck here. For now at least.

Arthur turned around to spare a glance at Merlin who was walking behind him. He had his hands pressed against his wounds, trying to put some more pressure on them, so that it would stop the bleeding. But he could tell that it was not doing any help. Merlin needed some real bandages, he needed Gaius.

They walked in total silence, no one said a word. Arthur felt the anxiety building up in his chest. What would Morgana do to them now? His mind imagined the most horrible and cruel things, but in the end, Arthur was not sure what to expect. Once, he had seen kindness and love in his sister. Now there was only anger and hate. He sometimes asked himself, if it would have been different, if he had acted differently towards Morgana, maybe all of this would have never happened. But Morgana‘s rage was more against Uther, than Arthur himself. It was never about Arthur, it was about taking everything from her father, who had taken everything from her. And since Uther was dead now, the only thing that was still standing in her way, was Arthur, the new King of Camelot.

Suddenly, they stopped walking straight forward, and turned around a corner, which now revealed a big wooden door. Arthur could hear laughter and talking from behind the door. Of course he immediately recognised the voice from Morgana. There was another voice as well, which also seemed familiar to him, but he couldn‘t quite put his head around it. 

One of the guards walking in front of him, opened the big door with a loud sigh, revealing Morgana sitting on a throne out of dark stones and next to her, was standing Mordred, smiling crookedly. For a moment, Arthur was shocked and hurt. He had trusted Mordred, made him Camelot’s knight, talked to him, trained him. And all the while, he had been working for Morgana. His stomach turned and he felt sick. His gaze looked out for Merlin, who was now standing a few feet away from him. But he didn‘t see surprise in Merlin‘s eyes, only anger. 

He had known. He had known all along. And Arthur had been too blind, too stupid to see it. Merlin had always been against Mordred, and Arthur had laughed at him, he even gave Merlin a cold shoulder, because he had been treating Mordred like a prisoner.

Arthur‘s eyes lingered on Merlin. He tried to let him know how sorry he was for being so blind. He should have trusted Merlin, he should have believed him. Nevertheless, now it was too late. The damage was done. Mordred had betrayed them, and led Morgana right to them.

„My dear brother! It‘s so nice to finally meet you again!“ Morgana said, and stood up from her throne, walking directly towards him.

Arthur should probably be scared, but he wasn‘t. He stood tall, his shoulders back, his hands tight together behind his back. He wouldn‘t show her any kind of weakness.

But Morgana didn‘t stop in front of him, no, she suddenly just smiled at Arthur and walked over to Merlin, who was standing on his left.

She stopped right in front of him, Arthur‘s gaze never leaving her. What did she want from Merlin? Why was he her target?

Her hand reached out, and brushed under Merlin‘s chin, forcing him to look into her eyes.

„Emrys..“ she whispered. „I see you have not forgotten our little game yesterday?“

Something in Merlin‘s eyes snapped, but he remained still. Arthur wanted to get over to him, push him behind his body and protect him from this madness. But the guards were all around him.

It hurt, seeing Merlin like that. His gaze low and empty. The way he was standing, sunk in on himself. Like he had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked broken and tired, like he had already given up. And Arthur wanted to grab him, shake him, tell him to fight this, to not give up so easily. But all he could do was watch silently.

Morgana walked closer to Merlin, until they almost stood nose to nose. Arthur could barely hear what she was saying,

„Have you thought about my offering?“ she whispered, her hand moving from under his chin, over his cheek. Arthur could see how Merlin shivered under her touch and he tried to move forward, but a guard immediately held him back.

„Do not move!“, he yelled at Arthur and hit him in the stomach. Arthur fell forwards, suppressing a painful moan. But Morgana ignored him, she only had eyes for Merlin ,or Emrys, how she had called him again.

All of a sudden, Merlin‘s voice filled the hall.

„There was no need for me to think about it. I will never join you.“

Arthur stopped breathing for a second. Morgana wanted Merlin to join her? For what cause? He didn‘t understand what was happening here. Why were they here? Who was Emrys? And what had Merlin to do with all of that? Arthur felt stupid, because he seemed to be the only one here who had no idea what was going on.

„That‘s a pity, we would have made a great team, you and I. You know, we're a lot alike?“ she said, and started to move around him, circling him like a wolf who was walking around his prey.

„I am not like you,“ Merlin hissed and shot her an angry glare. Morgana laughed.

„Oh, but we are, don't you see? All our life, forced to hide our true nature, living in the shadows, feeling lonely and misunderstood.“

Arthur listened closely to what she was saying, but his eyes never left Merlin‘s face, eager to see his reaction to those words. And what he saw, hurt his soul. He could see that Merlin considered her words. Had Arthur been so blind?

But Merlin remained stubborn. 

„I am nothing like you. I haven't murdered innocent people, children. You killed out of hatred and fear, Morgana.“ Suddenly, Merlin didn‘t seem to be so broken anymore. He looked angry, and so not like the Merlin Arthur had known all these years.

Merlin made a step towards her. And to Arthur‘s surprise, Morgana made a step back, as if she was scared of him.

„The person you hated most, was Uther. For all that he had done. You say you‘re better than him? I‘m sorry to disappoint you, but you‘re exactly like him.“

_Oh Merlin_ , Arthur thought. He knew this was bad, but he was also amazed by the courage Merlin had. But if he was being honest, he had always considered Merlin the bravest man he had ever met.

„Be careful what you say, Emrys.“ 

They both just stared at each other, the hatred mirrored in their faces.

Mordred cleared his throat, and Morgana shook her head, as if she had just snapped out from a deep thought. Once again, she smiled menacingly at him. But Arthur knew that she, somehow, was afraid of him. He didn‘t yet understand why, like anything else happening here.

Morgana turned away from him, and walked back to the throne, sitting down as if she really was a Queen. Now here eyes lingered on Arthur.

„You must be confused, brother,“ she said, and waved with her hand, so that guards forced Arthur to walk towards her. 

Arthur didn‘t answer, not sure what she wanted to hear from him. Was he confused? Definitely.

„Let me enlighten you. Your dear Merlin, or as I like to call him, Emrys, is not who he pretended to be.“ While saying his name, Arthur heard a soft gasp from Merlin behind him. His head turned around, just to see how the guards pushed Merlin forcefully down on his knees.

„Merlin, is the most powerful sorcerer to have ever walked the earth. Unfortunately, even more powerful than I am. Can you believe that?“ she said laughing, as if there was anything funny about this whole situation. Arthur tried to remain a natural face, not to show how all of this was affecting him. He had realized, even back in the cell, that Merlin was a sorcerer, he just hadn‘t known what kind of, until now. Could it be true? Merlin? A powerful sorcerer? It was hard to imagine.

„But right now, he‘s not so powerful, aren’t you, Merlin?“

Merlin remained still, his gaze lingering on the ground, too ashamed to look at Arthur.

„Anyway, I haven‘t brought you here to talk all day, there are more important matters.“

Once again, Morgana waved with her hand, and the wooden door was opened.

A tall muscled man walked through the door. His long black hair was bound together in a bun. His face was covered in scars. But what stood out the most, was the long scar right over his left eye, which looked white and lifeless. He slowly walked over to the guards who were still standing around Merlin. Arthur was not sure what was about to happen, but he had a really bad feeling.

„This is Kylan, he doesn’t understand much of our language, but there's one thing he understands pretty well.“ Morgana raised her voice and gave a quick nod to the man.

Without hesitation, he walked to Merlin, grabbed him by his hair and pulled him to his feet. A loud, painful moan escaped Merlin‘s lips, and he suppressed a scream. The agonizing, stabbing pain of his wounds was all that kept him conscious. His head felt light, everything around him seemed to spin and a feeling of nauseousness crept up slowly. Merlin wasn‘t sure how much longer he could stay awake. He was so tired, so exhausted. It was not only the wounds on his chest and the blood loss that was getting to his head, he feared that Morgana had also used some kind of poison on the blade she had used the day before, otherwise Merlin couldn‘t explain how these wounds would weaken him so much.

Kylan let go of Merlin‘s hair, just to grab him by his neck and force him to walk in the middle of the room. Also Arthur was now forced to walk, but not to the same spot Merlin was standing. The guards guided him right next to Morgana, and pushed his body down, so he was now sitting next to her on a small chair.

„I have something special for you planned, for you both.“ She announced, while some more men walked into the hall, as if there would be some kind of attraction.

More and more men gathered around Merlin in the middle, but they did leave a spot free which allowed Arthur to have a clear view. The noise inside the hall grew louder, everyone seemed to be excited for something that was about to happen, but all Arthur could feel was a sickness growing in his stomach.

„You know, I have always asked myself, how many lashes it would take to whip someone to death, it‘s an interesting thought, isn‘t it? And at first, I thought you would be my test subject, but then I learnt so much about Merlin-“,she stopped and forced Arthur to look at her.

It felt like an invisible hand was pushing his head in her direction, while another now laid on his mouth, so that he wouldn‘t interrupt her.

„- he can‘t die, did you know that? I mean, there is a weapon that can kill him, but unfortunately it‘s not in my possession… But the point is, another interesting thought came to my head… How long can an immortal being resist the pain of being whipped?“

_No,_ Arthur thought and this time, he didn‘t even try to hide the fear and pain. He should have been more shocked, more surprised by the fact he had just learned about Merlin, but all he heard was the sick plan Morgana had for him. He knew that she was cruel and consumed by hatred and madness, but he had never expected something like that. Not from her. Sometimes he forgot that the old Morgana was gone and would never return.

„Now you‘re probably asking yourself, what kind of role you play in all of this?“ Arthur hadn‘t even spared a single thought about what would happen to him, all he could think about was Merlin, who still had now idea what would happen to him in a few minutes.

„Since it‘s not you who gets whipped anymore, I needed to think of something, that would hurt you just as much…“ Morgana smiled with false sympathy. „So you can have an instrumental purpose now. You’ll Count.“

That didn‘t make any sense to Arthur. Count? Arthur could hardly think straight, the adrenaline pumping through his veins. No words left his mouth, even though the crushing hand on his mouth was now gone. A soft gasp escaped his lips and he shook his head. „I..“

Morgana glared at him with one of those wicked smiles. „Oh- but you must know how to count?“ And then it hit Arthur. The horror of what she was asking him to do, settling deep into his bones. _No, no, no._

Immediately, his eyes moved to Merlin, who was again kneeling on the ground, watching Arthur with worried eyes. Even from this far away, Arthur could see the sweat running down his body, over his neck, down his chest, where the wounds from the day before were still bleeding, coating the blood on his skin. For some reason, he couldn‘t lift his gaze, couldn‘t look into Merlin‘s eyes. If he was being honest with himself, he was afraid. Afraid of the pain and fear he would see in Merlin‘s eyes. 

_What had happened?_ Arthur asked himself. He had asked himself that question a hundred times, since the moment they had been captured. Why were they here? Why was no one saving them? Was it his fault? Could he have prevented this from happening, if he just would have been more attentive when they had been out in the woods?

There had been many, many moments where he had been scared to death. But no feeling came as close to the one he was feeling now. He couldn‘t do this.

„No,“ he whispered and closed his eyes, lowering his head.

Arthur felt ashamed, he couldn‘t even imagine what Merlin must think of him now. He had always praised Arthur, more than he deserved. And for the first time ever, Arthur felt like a coward and weak. If his father could see him right now, he would just shake his head and call him a pathetic son, not worthy of being a King. Arthur could get through a lot. He could kill. He could fight. But seeing the one person he loves more than anything, getting tortured, while being responsible for it? That was something entirely different.

Merlin had always been the one with this incredible, ridiculousness of hope and faith, but even Merlin knew that they were at the end. What could they do? Merlin‘s magic was locked away, deep within himself. And even though it pained Arthur to admit it, he himself was of no use here. He could fight a small group of men, but not as many as the once who were in this hall. Plus two powerful sorcerers. Every attempt of escaping would end in their death. But if he was being honest with himself, maybe death was the better way out of this.

„Count!“ Morgana ordered again, and this time Merlin heard it as well. He immediately knew what this meant for him, and what she wanted Arthur to do. His breath fastened, and once again the ground under his feet seemed to spin around him. He was terrified. For himself but also for Arthur. Just thinking about what Morgana wanted Arthur to do, hurt his heart. It hurt more, than the wounds on his body.

„I… I can’t“ 

Merlin focused on Arthur‘s voice. He could hear the shame and pain in it. He wished that he could let Arthur know that this didn't change the way he saw him. Arthur was still the same person, only forced to do something cruel against his own will. He knew that Arthur felt like a coward now, but Merlin also knew just how bad this situation was.

„You will do as I say!“ Morgana declared.

Arthur knew that there was no real end to this. As Morgana had told him before, Merlin couldn‘t die. But he could suffer through this, until his body gave out, needing time to recover. Arthur was pretty sure that Morgana would take Merlin right to the edge, leaving him between the line of life and death.

„Why are you doing this?“ Arthur suddenly asked, his eyes now looking at Merlin‘s, seeing the pain and fear in his eyes.

„I want him and you to suffer exactly the way I had suffered all my life. You think you are something better? Because our father chose you instead of me? Do you even know what it feels like? To be hated for something you cannot control? To be ashamed of who you are?“ She hissed angrily at him, and then moved her head to look at Merlin again.

„And you? You said I hated Uther more than anyone, but you were wrong. There‘s one person I hate even more. You.“

„What have I ever done to you?“ Merlin said silently, the pain mirrored on his face.

This time, Merlin and Arthur were not the only ones whose pain was reflected on their face.

„You should have helped me. You should have supported me and your kind. But all you did was hide away, turned your back against us. You support him?“ she said, pointing at Arthur.

„You‘re no part of our kind anymore, you don‘t have a right! So, who are you, Emrys? You‘re no human, but no Druid as well. You have lost the right to call yourself one of us, the day you had chosen to support Arthur and his fight against magic. You have absolutely no place where you belong. You are all alone in this world. Tell me, how does that feel?“

Tears were shimmering in Merlin‘s eyes, but he refused to let them out. He knew, she was only saying this to hurt him, but some part of him knew she was right. He had never, actively reached out to the Druids, he had only ever talked to them, when he needed help. He had never tried to be a part of them, even though they were more likely like him, more than the other folks. But he never saw himself as a part of them, just like he had never seen himself as a part of humans. Merlin was… special, he knew that much.

After the emotional outburst, Morgana calmed herself down again, her expression now cold as ice and Arthur could see the cruel excitement in her eyes.

„How much do you think he can take?“ she provoked.

Arthur remained silent. It was Mordred who answered her.

„I say he‘s gonna pass out after ten!“

Suddenly the whole group of men started to laugh. Arthur was disgusted. They all enjoyed this, for them it was some kind of joke, some entertainment. It was sick.

The guards around Merlin pulled him to his feet. Out of nowhere, probably by Morgana's magic, two poles appeared next to Merlin, chains hanging loosely from the dark wood. At first, Merlin tried to fight it, but it was no use, he wasn‘t strong enough.

„Please…“ Arthur whispered.

In front of his eyes, the guards were getting Merlin up the poles. He had stopped fighting them, his body went limp, but not for his own sake. His eyes were on Arthur.

Arthur could see the unabashed fear all over his face. His arms were held in the air, spread over his head. At each pole, the guard tightened the chains. More cold iron, Arthur suspected.

Merlin was shivering, sweating, but he didn‘t make a sound. His arms already hurt, just as his legs and chest. But with all the cold iron around him, nothing hurt more than the feeling of his magic trying to get out, but being unable to.

„Kylan!“ Morgana said loudly, and the whole room quietened.

Kylan came out of the crowd, in his hand a whip.

He couldn‘t do this, he really couldn‘t. Arthur turned his face away from the picture in front of him.

„No, you‘ll watch!“ Suddenly there were two more guards next to Arthur, who now held him in place, forced him to keep his head straight forward and watch.

For a tiny moment, Arthur closed his eyes. How easy it would be to just… let go now, to give in. This? It was hopeless. One way or another he would die, and Merlin would suffer for an eternity. There was no reason to fight.

_Merlin,_ he suddenly thought. Merlin was his reason.

Arthur took a deep breath, and opened his eyes again. He looked into Merlin‘s deep blue eyes. Merlin was staring back, his own eyes were full of fear, but also worry. He worried for Arthur. And suddenly Arthur saw clearly. Everything that had happened between them, all these years, Merlin had been at his side. They had fought against magical creatures, dragons, immortal army’s, and all along, Merlin had been at his side. He had saved him, more than once. Another memory suddenly came back to his mind. He had been drowning, but then there was Merlin, who had pulled him to the surface and held him. Merlin, who had fought against a dragon, while Arthur was unconscious. Everything made sense now. Merlin was doing all of this, because of Arthur. Sacrificing himself, to protect him. This, between them, was much more than a normal King and Servant relationship, more than friendship, more than simply lovers even. He had no idea what they were-

The whip snapped. Merlin jerked and closed his eyes, a silent whimper escaping his lips. The chains around his wrist went tighter. And Arthur? He just looked at Merlin. He knew, he had to count, say the number. The men around him were all watching him.

„One,“ Arthur said. He tried to focus on Merlin, nothing was more important than Merlin. For all the times he had secretly saved Arthur‘s life, this time, Arthur would know. And he couldn‘t let his own pain get to him, he had to ignore it. The pain in his heart. His soul.

A wide smile appeared on Morgana's face and the crowd cheered loudly, which only encouraged Kylan to keep moving.

„Two.“ After the second whip, Merlin tried to focus on Arthur's voice, they both held their gaze, tried to find comfort in each other’s eyes. There was a storm raging in Merlin‘s eyes. A storm out of agony, pain and… love. Arthur couldn’t look away anymore. He tried to be Merlin‘s anchor, tried to let him know that he was not alone, no matter what Morgana had said. He had a place where he belonged, right at Arthur‘s side.

Again, the whip slapped down and Merlin‘s whole body jerked. „Three.“

Merlin had closed his eyes, he tried to not let the pain seize him before reopening them again, his gaze drifting back to Arthur.

Arthur stayed as still as he could, he even tried not to blink. Nothing around him mattered anymore, all there was, was the light blue of Merlin‘s eyes.

The whip snapped. But Arthur could barely hear the laughing and cheering of the crowd.

„Five.“ Arthur counted again. Merlin tried to hold back the screams.

Again, the whip struck down.

„Six.“ And again. „Seven.“ And again. „Eight.

Suddenly, time lost meaning. Life was moving in slow motion, but also too fast. The only noise that came to Arthur‘s mind, was the hissing of the whip against Merlin‘s skin. Merlin‘s soft grunts and heavy breathing. And himself counting.

„Twenty-five,“ he whispered.

Merlin was almost on the edge, he could see his legs shaking, his whole body was shivering.

Tears silently streamed down Arthur‘s face. _Let go, Merlin,_ he thought. How long would he fight this? Just to keep Arthur safe?

Merlin‘s eyes once again, looked at Arthur, he could barely keep them open anymore.

_Merlin… Please, just let go. Let me go._

And suddenly, Merlin broke down. His legs gave out and all his weight hung on chains around his wrists.

„Morgana! Please-“ he heard himself scream. The guards were holding him back, he hadn‘t even realized that he had stood up. 

„Wake him up again,“ Morgana just said, ignoring Arthur‘s words.

A man from the crowd appeared with a bowl of cold water, and threw it over Merlin‘s face, who startled awake with a painful moan.

„That was fun… But now now let‘s get back to you, my dear brother.“

The whole attention was now on Arthur, and not Merlin anymore. _What was happening?_

„You did a good job, maybe you‘re useful for something after all.“

The crowd laughed again.

„But-“ she silenced the people with a single hand movement, „- there‘s more.“

_What more could there be?_ Arthur thought, his eyes still lingered on Merlin, who was still hanging limp on the chains, but his eyes were open.

A tight grip around his hands, which were still held together behind his back, made Arthur snap out of his thoughts, and let go of Merlin‘s gaze.

„What-“, he tried to say, but his words were muffled by a hand over his mouth.

They dragged him away, closer to where Merlin was hanging. A few men stepped forwards and removed the chains from Merlin‘s wrist cuff. His legs immediately gave out and he slammed to the ground. Arthur wanted to burst forward and help him, but of course, he was held back.

Instead of him, the few men grabbed Merlin and pulled his body aside, leaving a trail of blood on the stoned floor.

All the while, Arthur could not tear his gaze from Merlin‘s back. The skin was torn open and there was so much blood. He wanted to throw up, forget this image, which was now branded in his memory. How could Merlin ever recover from this? The wounds were fatal, but this? It could break Merlin, push him to his breaking point.

But before Arthur could even think more about Merlin, he was pushed in the middle of the poles.

Now it was Arthur, who was about to be put against the poles.

He didn‘t even try to fight it. What was the reason? It was not like he could win.

Suddenly, there was a loud scream. No, a roar.

All eyes were on Merlin, who was still lying on the ground, but definitely fighting to get up.

Blood was dripping from his back, but he gathered all his last strength and fought against his body. He slowly turned around to face Morgana, and stared into her green eyes.

„You can break my soul. Take my life away. Beat me, hurt me, kill me. But for the love of god, do not touch him.“

Everyone was silent, no one dared to breath. Everyone was asking themselves the same question. How was he still able to even get up?

„Haven‘t you had enough, Emrys?“ Morgana broke the silence, stood up, and walked over to Merlin. But before she reached him, Merlin took a deep breath, and screamed.

„O drakon, e male so ftengometta tesd‘hup‘anankes!“

Morgana‘s eyes widened.

„No, this can‘t be…“ she whispered.

Arthur watched them closely. He had no idea what just had happened, why Morgana was suddenly so afraid of Merlin. Had he used a powerful spell? If yes, then why was nothing happening? But then, he heard it. A loud roar from outside. A roar, which seemed all too familiar. The dragon.

Again, Arthur‘s memory got hold of him and he remembered the day they went looking for the Dragonlord. Arthur getting hurt. Merlin, or rather Balinor, saving him. Them getting attacked. Balinor dying, Merlin crying. The Dragon attack. Arthur fighting him, but losing and then Merlin, the last one standing, and the Dragon miraculously gone. He was a dragonlord. Balinor had been his father.

Arthur had no idea where Merlin suddenly got all the energy, but somehow, he could feel the air around them buzzing.

Morgana took a step back from Merlin. The crowd dissolved, all men ran around, panicked, leaving the hall as fast as possible.

Everyone was moving away from Merlin, but Arthur took the chance and moved closer. He only now realized the glowing in Merlin‘s eye, which reminded him of a soft sunset.

„I am a son of the earth. The sea. The sky. I am magic itself. You can‘t take away what I am,“ Merlin said, and the iron around his wrist sprang free and with it, he released his magic.

And now, Arthur understood why everyone was so afraid of Merlin. Of Emrys.

Arthur had seen many sorcerers in his life, had fought many battles, but he had never seen something like that. Something so dangerous, but also beautiful. Maybe he should have been scared, should have felt some kind of hatred or anger towards Merlin, but all he felt was love and pride. Arthur could hear his father turning in his grave. But he couldn‘t care less. If Merlin had really wanted to hurt him or Camelot, he would have had the chance, a million times.

Mordred was running over to Morgana and grabbed her by the arm, and within a second, they were gone. 

With everyone gone, he ran over to Merlin, who was now lying defeated on the floor. The blood now dripping even more from his wounds, his magic had taken all the energy he had left.

„I‘ll get you out of here. You‘ll be fine,“ Arthur whispered softly, tears streaming down his face. Merlin mumbled something that Arthur couldn't understand, before he lost consciousness. Arthur wanted to get up and drag him out of this mess, but suddenly, his body just gave out, and he fell on the ground, next to Merlin. He fought to stay awake, in case someone would return, but he lost the battle, his eyes closed and he blacked out.

* * *

The next time, Arthur opened his eyes, he felt the bright sun on his face. The distant noise of people talking got into his mind, but he refused to open his eyes just yet.

„Hey, princess, you awake?“ Arthur suddenly heard the familiar voice of Gwaine. He knew there was no choice in ignoring him.

Slowly, Arthur opened his eyes, and was greeted by the sight of Gaius, the Knights and Gwen standing around him.

His head hurt and he felt dizzy. What had happened?

_Count,_ he remembered.

He sat up at once, which only caused the room to spin around him. He closed his eyes.

“Slowly!” He heard Gaius say, and a soft hand on his shoulder who held him in place.

„Mrhn..“ he mumbled between his teeth, trying to hold down whatever was trying to get up again.

„What did you say?“ Lancelot was the next to say something.

„I think he meant ‚Merlin‘“, Gwen answered.

Arthur slowly opened his eyes again, his eyes scanning the room for Merlin. He was in Gaius chambers, that much he was sure of. But where was Merlin? He was not- He couldn‘t-

„How long had I been out?“, Arthur asked, trying to get his surroundings in focus.

„Around two weeks?“ Elyan answered, and looked worriedly at him.

Gwen slowly walked over to Arthur and held out a hand for him. Without thinking, Arthur took it. Together, they walked over to Merlin‘s room. Arthur was scared of what he would find, but carefully he opened the tiny door.

And when he saw Merlin laying in the bed, sleeping on his stomach, his whole body relaxed and he knew that he was crying before the tears were streaming down his face. 

He was safe. They were safe.

He almost stumbled over his own feet, as he walked over to Merlin‘s side, his hand softly brushing over his hair.

Gwen left them alone, quietly closing the door behind her.

„Merlin…“ Arthur whispered and walked over to the small bed, sitting down on the edge.

* * *

Merlin was dreaming again, he heard the soft whisper of his name from Arthur, which turned into a loud scream, himself screaming. The recent event replayed in his mind, leaving an imprint, just like the scars which were all scattered across his back and chest. 

His mind just wouldn’t shut up, the screaming got louder and louder the more he tried to fight it. He remembered the pain in Arthur's eyes, as he had counted the first of many scars that would litter on his body.

“Merlin..” he heard it again. 

This time, his mind formed an image of Arthur being in his place instead, eyes pleading for help. But it was not Kylan who was standing behind Arthur, and the weapon was not a whip, it was Mordred, in his hand Arthur‘s sword.

“No please, Mordred, don‘t do that… Take me instead!“ he sobbed, but Mordred just laughed. The laughing was thrown into Merlin‘s direction, like an echo, repeating over and over again.

“The once and future king is no more,” he suddenly said and plunged the sword towards Arthur’s chest.

Merlin couldn‘t breath. He was choking. Arthur was gone and all Merlin could do was watch the light fade from Arthur‘s eyes. And then, he screamed. The ground beneath him was shaking, the walls crashed down, but Merlin didn‘t stop he screamed and screamed and screamed until-

“Merlin! Wake up! ”

Merlin awoke with a scream. His whole body was shaking, sweating. Just now he realized the strong arms around his body, holding him.

“Arthur...you…I…you’re here” he cried, returning the hug.

“I’m here...” he whispered softly into Merlin‘s hair.

Arthur pulled him closer and the blanket around Merlin fell down, revealing Merlin’s scarred chest and back. Arthur gasped, his eyes tearing up. Merlin freed himself from the hug and looked away, ashamed of his body.

“Merlin I’m so sorry this happened to you, I should have protected you.”

“I’ll be alright Arthur I’m just glad you’re alive with me”, he answered, forcing a bittersweet smile on his face.

Merlin eventually looked down, going for the blanket to cover himself up, and hide the ugly scars. Worry consumed him. What if Arthur found them disgusting? But Arthur‘s hand stopped him midterm.

“Merlin don’t…” Catching his gaze Arthur stared at him “-don’t hide from me, not anymore. I want to see you.”

At that Merlin lowered his head in shame. A finger pushed at his chin to bring his face back up

“Never be ashamed of who you are. I want all of you, magic and all” At this, Merlin gasped softly, happiness shimmering in his eyes.

A few moments passed by, where they both just looked into each other‘s eyes.

Then out of the blue, Arthur was kissing him, kissing him breathless. His eyes fluttered shut. _Oh my god._ He threw his arms around Arthur‘s neck, and pressed their bodies closer together.

His back hurt, as he was still far away from recovering, physically and mentally, but with Arthur at his side, he could overcome it all.

After a good couple of seconds, Arthur let Merlin breath again, breathing in heavily as well. Slowly, they both laid down next to each other, Arthur pulled Merlin into his embrace, letting him lay almost on top of him. Like this, Arthur knew that Merlin was safe and comfortable. 

_Love._ Arthur suddenly thought. It was no weakness, it was strength.Love had given them courage and strength. Love was the reason they both had fought. Love, was the reason why Merlin had not refused his torture and remained still. Merlin had saved his life, so many times, because he loved Arthur. Love was why they had survived all these years.

“I love you.” He confessed.

For a moment, Merlin was too shocked to say something, but then he softly whispered,

„I love you too, Arthur.“

**Author's Note:**

> I was so anxious about posting this and at first, I didn’t want to upload this— but now, here it is, the most whump thing I have ever written (except for my fanfic behind blue eyes, that’s more pain hahah) anyway, I know it’s a lot... but it is angst merthur week, so here’s all the pain and angst :)
> 
> Oh yes— I know this is probably out of character... at least for Arthur (not so sure about Merlin...?) I really tried to stay in character, even with this plot, but it was really had hahah...
> 
> Also, big thank you, again, to my beta reader <3 Ilysm!!!
> 
> Please leave a comment or some kuddos, it’s the only thing that motivates me to write someday Heere
> 
> P.S: this Quote „You can break my soul. Take my life away. Beat me, hurt me, kill me. But for the love of god, do not touch him.“ is not mine, it’s from tumblr but I love it and fit the story perfectly lmao


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